Faculty of Social and Human Sciences (UNL) Conference System, 1st Non-Monogamies and Contemporary Intimacies Conference

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‘I’m not that bisexual. I’m the other one.’ Queering straightness on match.com.
Aoife Sadlier

##manager.scheduler.building##: B Tower
##manager.scheduler.room##: T12
Date: 2015-09-26 02:30 PM – 04:00 PM
Last modified: 2015-08-13


In this paper I will examine asexuality as a non-monogamy by drawing on autoethnographic writing related to my recent experiences of the dating site, www.match.com.  I am an autoerotic, tentatively asexual-identifying woman, who always thought of myself as aromantic.  Yet, recently I have begun to explore the possibility of romantic (albeit non-sexual) partnerships with either sex.  Admittedly, I do not feel a strong attachment to the asexual movement and often think of myself as queerly straight, since my general romantic orientation is towards men.  I am also against categorical identifications, thus allying my identity somewhat with queer identities.  Yet, I retain sexual difference.


Match.com does not offer the option for one’s profile to be made viewable to both sexes.  Instead, one must set up two separate profiles and contact customer services to link the accounts, so that only one subscription needs to be paid.  In my exchange with customer services, I was told that: ‘Unfortunately match.com does not have a separate database exclusively for members who are bisexual.’ Let me get one thing straight – I never said I was bisexual! I merely stated that I wanted to ‘set up a profile for men and women.’ In navigating this exchange, I will draw on Cixous’s and Clement’s (1991: 84-85) concept of ‘the other bisexuality,’ a subversive feminine libidinal economy that implies an ethical opening to another beyond sexual binaries and enables an articulation of unique desires and preferences.  In the process, I will highlight the potentiality of asexuality as a non-monogamy.